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How to Talk so you will be Heard

In the last 1-minute Relationship Snippet, we mentioned that listening is an art and can benefit your relationship connection immensely. Equally as important as good listening is how you speak and what you say.  The following are some suggestions when talking…   Try sharing without any shaming blaming or criticising. Try sharing using ‘I’ language rather than ‘you’ e.g. ‘I feel close…

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Is There More?

As mentioned previously, listening is an art and can benefit your relationship connection immensely. A great question to ask your partner or spouse when you are listening, is ‘Is there more?’…and of course to really mean it! A very simple three-word question that shows you are interested and happy to listen to whatever else your other half would like to…

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You are Living with an Iceberg

Your spouse or partner is an iceberg! This does not mean that they are cold and unfeeling! Rather it refers to the fact that just as you only see 1/10th of an iceberg above the water, so too when looking at another human being, you only see the surface level. Just like there is so much more…

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The Tortoise and the Hare…How to Succeed?

Most of us remember the famous childhood story of the tortoise and the hare where the tortoise continues to move very slowly but without stopping and finally it wins the race. The moral lesson of the story is that you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily rather than by acting quickly and carelessly. What Can…

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The Story I Tell Myself

“He obviously does not care about me because if he did then he would contact me more often during the day”. This, or something similar, is a common frustration I may hear in my therapy office when working with a couple. At this point, I may pause the couple and invite the one sharing to rephrase that…

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What do you think?

What do you think of my new logo? Designed by myself, my wife and my daughters. It captures everything that I am passionate about…Whole-Person, Balanced, Holistic Living. When balance is achieved (as much as possible) in all four areas (puzzle pieces), then it allows our innate well-being to rise to the surface. Whole-Person Well-Being: This is the overall sense of…

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Detox Your Relationship – The Zero Negativity Challenge

As you probably know, negativity is corrosive to any relationship.  Negativity is any transaction your partner experiences as a ‘put down’. If they say it was negative, then trust that for whatever reason it was negative! Don’t try and explain your actions but listen to what their experience is. Examples of negativity include: tone of voice, an eye roll, silence,…

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Are you a Tiger or a Tortoise

In most couple relationships, there is often a tiger and a tortoise! Very rarely do I come across two tortoises but on occasion, there may be two tigers. The partner who is ‘tiger-like’ tends to be the louder, noisier one who will get angry, shout, scream, nag, cling and blame when feeling hurt or upset. The partner who is…

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Valentine’s Day: A Happy or Sad Day? (Free Give-Away)

I hope Valentine’s Day is a happy day for you (& your partner or spouse if you are in a relationship)…but for many individuals and couples, it may not be. This is because…not everyone has a partner and even if you are in a relationship, it may not be as you wish it to be.…

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This is Real Listening!

It is real work to be a good listener. Most of us don’t know what true deep listening is about. It’s called Generative Listening. Just knowing what Generative Listening can give you a new perspective about what is possible in your life and relationships. There are Four Levels of Listening: Level 1: Habitual Listening where we are unable to hear anything that doesn’t agree with…

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Six & Nine are Equal!

I can respect different opinions; because everybody has a story.   Richa Chadha This is a wonderful gift we offer the other person…hearing them and respecting their opinion. ‘See’ you again in a couple of weeks…I plan to send something short and sweet fortnightly. Gary Janit I offer confidential individual psychotherapy & CBT as well…

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The word ‘Diet’ makes me sick

  Diets tend not to work in the long term (as you may have personally discovered) and in actual fact can be blamed for weight gain, low self-esteem, sadness and many more negatives. How about the words, ‘Eating Plan for Life’…doesn’t that already sound better? Ahh, an eating plan that is sustainable and manageable for the…

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