As February arrives, many of us find our New Year’s resolutions beginning to falter. January often starts with the best intentions—setting ambitious goals, envisioning a ‘new you’, and big plans for change.
But by now, life’s realities may have crept in, and the initial momentum may have slowed. For some, this is when unhelpful negative thinking creeps in, leading to feelings of failure, frustration, or even giving up entirely.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers practical tools to help at this time of year with greater self-compassion and resilience.
Let’s explore a few common unhelpful ways of thinking that might be affecting your progress and how you can shift your thinking to stay on track.
Most common unhelpful thoughts
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking)
One of the most common unhelpful thinking habits, especially around resolutions, is the belief that if you can’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. For example:
- “I ate one unhealthy meal, so my whole diet is ruined.”
- “I missed two workouts this week, so I might as well quit.”
This rigid mindset ignores the reality that progress is rarely linear. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on consistency. Remind yourself that one slip-up doesn’t erase your efforts—it’s just a detour, not the end of the road. Get back on track as soon as possible.
A helpful CBT technique is to replace “all-or-nothing” thoughts with “both-and” thoughts. For instance, “I had a setback and I’m still committed to my goals.”
2. “Shoulding” and “Musting”
Another common trap is the pressure of self-imposed rules:
- “I should have stuck to my resolution perfectly.”
- “I must succeed, or I’m a failure.”
These thoughts create unnecessary stress and often lead to feelings of inadequacy. CBT encourages us to reframe these rigid demands into flexible preferences. Instead of saying, “I must exercise every day,” try, “I’d like to exercise regularly, and missing one day doesn’t define me.” This shift in self-talk fosters self-compassion and makes goals feel more achievable.
3. Catastrophising
When things go wrong, it’s easy to spiral into worst-case scenarios. Missing one workout or eating too much on occassion might lead to thoughts like:
- “I’ll never lose weight.”
- “I’m a total failure at keeping resolutions.”
Catastrophising amplifies mistakes and creates a sense of hopelessness. CBT encourages us to challenge these thoughts by asking: What’s the evidence for this belief? What’s a more balanced way of looking at the situation? Often, you’ll find that setbacks are normal and temporary, not catastrophic.
4. Self-Criticism and Harsh Inner Dialogue
When resolutions falter, many people turn inward with blame and self-criticism:
- “Why can’t I ever stick to anything?”
- “I’m so weak.”
This unkind self-talk can undermine motivation and self-esteem. Instead, practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would a friend. CBT encourages replacing harsh criticism with constructive feedback. For example, instead of “I failed again,” try, “This is hard, but I’m learning and improving as I go.”
